


Understanding

by Witchgirl1234



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Prompt Fill, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 06:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14050530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witchgirl1234/pseuds/Witchgirl1234
Summary: Prompt-The Legends are worried about Sara after her break-up with Ava, so they enlist Oliver Queen's help to explain to Ava more about Sara than she can get from a file.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> T/W for mentions of PTSD.  
> Please feel free to correct anything that I may have gotten wrong about PTSD or any phrasing that may offend anyone and understand that it would never be my intention to offend anyone :)
> 
> Prompt from @sanvers-haught  
> I just really want a fic where someone sits down with Ava and explain PTSD to her/how it relates to Sara? Because I genuinely don't think she realises the emotional trauma that she's gone through.

"What are we going to do?" Zari said with a very distinguished whine to her voice.

Amaya quirked an eyebrow and looked up from the book she had been trying to read. Since the other totem holder had entered the kitchen, her pure nervous energy had put Amaya on edge and she had just been waiting for her to talk more than she had actually been taking in any of the words on the page.

"Should I assume that you are talking about Sara and Ava?" she asked.

Zari nodded, "Sara is miserable, why would she let herself be miserable when she knows exactly who makes her feel better?"

"Because she is too used to being a hero," someone said from behind them.

Both women turned to see Ray leaning against the counter with a mug of coffee in his hand. He had first found it rather hilarious that neither of the highly trained women noticed that they were not alone in the room, but he just couldn't resist giving his opinion. He was, after all, the person on the ship who had known their captain for the longest and he knew that she wouldn't appreciate whatever scheming was about to happen.

Zari frowned at him and shook her head, "what is that supposed to mean?"

Ray sighed and walked over to take a seat at the table, "since she got on the Gambit, her life has been about surviving and making sure that the people she cares about survive. She feels like the more people she cares about, the more people she has to protect because she brought them into her crazy life…"

"That makes no sense," Zari retorted, "she wouldn't have started dating Ava if…"

Amaya held up her hand and cut the other woman off as she started nodding, "no actually, that does make sense. Things were going great so she had no reason to worry about Ava, but the Death Totem reminded her of how she used to see herself."

Ray nodded in agreement, "which made her think that she isn't good enough for Ava."

"Okay, when did everyone become shrinks?" Zari asked with an exasperated sigh. She had been hoping for a simple plan that would force Sara and Ava to spend some time together so that the captain would realise what an idiot she had been, but that wouldn't work if there was all of this emotional baggage to deal with.

Ray frowned at the woman and asked, "do you actually know anything about Sara's life?"

Zari opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before she brought her eyebrows together in concentration. Neither she nor Sara were exactly the types to share the way that they felt but it didn't seem right that she knew almost nothing about the person who she answered to as her captain.

"It didn't come up," Zari defended.

Ray nodded slowly, he was about to spring into a whole explanation of everything that Zari would need to know in order to understand Sara Lance, but his attempt was cut off by someone walking into the kitchen and he clamped his mouth shut.

"Hey, Sara," Amaya called with a grin when Zari looked confused as to why he had stopped talking.

Sara turned around from pouring her cup of coffee and narrowed her eyes at the three occupants at the table. She usually would have questioned why they looked like they were planning something, but her tired mind didn't seem able to muster up the energy to care.

The nightmares had only gotten worse since she had wielded the Death Totem, but she no longer had someone beside her in bed to calm her down. Occasionally, she would try placing her own hand on her hand, but it didn't have quite the same effect. It was at times like that she would consider calling Director Sharpe and apologise for being such a fucking idiot, but she forced herself to remember that she had a good reason for what she did. Though, every time she re-read the note, she couldn't come up with quite as a convincing reason as she had that night.

So, instead, she just smiled at her three teammates weakly and went over to take the spare seat at the table.

Silence reigned in the room as it had rather often now since the captain was no longer quite as cheerful as everyone was used to her being. Sara rubbed her thumb over the ceramic of her mug and she considered that she could tell them to lighten up, but that would require a cheerful tone and she didn't really see the point.

Zari bit the inside of her cheek and looked over to Ray to silently tell him that she wanted to know what he had to say, before she stood from the table and announced, "I'm going to the library if anyone needs me."

Sara frowned at her as she left. It was obvious that she wanted someone in particular to know where she was going to be.

If she wasn't sure that her team held no ill feelings towards her, then she would actually be insulted that Zari would be so eager to vacate a room once she entered it. Everything had been normal whilst on missions since Sara was able to easily compartmentalise when she had something to focus on. She could be the captain that they needed to motivate and inspire them, but when she got back to the Waverider and realised that it was her own fault that she would be returning to an empty bed, it was harder to muster the energy to pretend.

After all, the Waverider was her home and she saw no reason why she would need to pretend in front of her family.

"There's actually something that I wanted to look up…in a book…so I'm gonna go to the library as well," Ray announced a few seconds later and made a swift exit.

The captain quirked an eyebrow and looked over to Amaya, "look up in a book?"

Amaya just shrugged and picked her own book back up, "who knows?" the totem-holder replied.

s

Ava blew out a breath and tried to focus on the laptop screen in front of her.

It was only one in the afternoon, but she already felt like her brain was done for the day in spite of the pile of work growing on her desk and email inbox.

Being the director was something that she had been working towards for the past five years, but it was hard to feel excited about her work when all she could think about was that she would be returning to her apartment, alone. Before she met Sara, it wouldn't have been an issue, she would have only gone home to sleep and then would have gladly returned to work, maybe even sleeping on the couch in her office, but she no longer felt like she was that uptight agent. Sara reminded her what it was like to have actual fun, how liberating it could be to break the rules for the greater good, which meant that when she was forced to return to the inane rules of the Time Bureau, she no longer felt like it was quite as important. She would much rather be on the Waverider fighting pirates right now rather than reading the IT department's proposal for why they needed thousands of dollars worth of new equipment.

"Director Sharpe," a voice came over her intercom.

The woman cleared her throat and sat up straighter when she realised that she was once again sitting at her desk thinking about Sara and she shook her head. The Bureau didn't need their director to be a heartbroken mess right now.

"Yes?" she asked as she pressed the button so that her secretary could hear her.

"Er…there is a Ray Palmer her to see you," Alice replied.

Ava frowned and she was about to press the button to ask why he would have any reason to come and see her, but she was stopped when the secretary added:

"And Mayor Queen."

The director's frown deepened and she pressed the button, "okay…send them in please."

Ava of course knew that Oliver Queen was the Green Arrow and she also knew that he was the reason that Sara had been dragged into hell in the first place. If Laurel had never met him, then Sara Lance would have had a very different life and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. For one, time wouldn't have been broken, but for another, she would probably have never had a chance to meet her. But she couldn't quite decide what she would prefer considering the current state of her broken heart.

A moment later, the two men walked in and she tilted her head at Oliver. She really didn't understand Sara's taste in men.

Oliver offered her a warm, but very much awkward smile, and Ray smiled broadly at her.

"Hey Ava," he grinned.

"Dr Palmer," she greeted trying to act amicably despite the fact that she was looking at a member of the team who she had been trying to avoid at all costs, "to what do I owe…the pleasure?"

"We need to talk to you about Sara," Oliver replied before Ray could try and put his pleasant spin on what was about to happen. This was not going to be an easy conversation and he didn't want to waste too much time with pleasantries.

Ava stiffened and replied, "well, unless I have somehow 'failed this city' I'm afraid that I'm too busy to talk about Sara."

Oliver's eyebrows shot up and Ray just smirked at him and patted him on the shoulder, "she's the director of the Time Bureau dude, she knows things."

The Green Arrow just shook his head and moved to take a seat at the woman's desk, he hated time travel.

"This is important," he insisted.

Ava tensed again and closed her laptop, "is she okay?"

Ray held up his hands and shook his head quickly, "she's fine…physically at least…" he said as he also moved to take a seat.

The director relaxed marginally but she still eyed Oliver distrustfully. She hated that she suddenly became a jealous schoolgirl when she was around someone who Sara had been with and it wasn't like she could hide behind the excuse that she was the woman's girlfriend. There was also the fact that she knew that Oliver Queen was married, which made it all the more irrational.

"Then what is this about?" she sighed. They were already here so she figured that she might as well hear them out.

Oliver was silent for a moment. Since his relationship with Felicity, he found that it was easier to talk about his feelings and he really wanted Sara to have the same thing and from Ray told him, Ava could offer her that. However, if she didn't completely understand everything about the ex-assassin then there was no way that a relationship could ever work, especially if she allowed herself to be pushed away.

"Gideon told the team what happened when you and Sara…talked," Ray supplied.

The Director felt a blush come up her neck. She was very aware that her begging Sara to not break up with her was not her finest moment, but the fact that a supercomputer had broadcasted it and then the team decided to tell the mayor of Star City about it wasn't helping matters.

She cleared her throat and shifted uncomfortably in her seat, very eager to escape, "okay…" she said slowly, seriously considering whether she could use her Time Courier to take her away from this situation.

"Look, I get that you read Sara's file," Oliver began, "and you think that you know everything about her…"

Ava opened her mouth to object but the mayor held up his hand to stop her.

"Just listen to me, please? I'm only here to help Sara."

The Director deflated and fell back against her chair and just nodded.

"So you technically know everything that she went through, but you don't what it was like to be stranded on an island, not knowing every night if we were going to make it to the next one. Trying to come up with plans to get home to our families who thought that we were dead and then when we finally get back, we're not the people that they loved. Do you have any idea what it's like to have to become someone else just to survive?" Oliver asked.

Ava stared at the man stunned for a few moments and even Ray had his eyebrows up in surprise. He had been the one to ask Oliver to talk to Ava, but he had no idea that the Green Arrow would be so forthcoming with his own trauma to a complete stranger. But, then again, he knew that Oliver loved Sara so it made sense that he would be willing to make himself uncomfortable to help her. And he was also sure that he was going to be threatened after this meeting to never repeat what he heard to anyone, he was only there to offer a familiar face to Ava while she was forced to hear some hard truths.

Ava swallowed hard and tried to imagine what Sara must have felt but she found that she couldn't muster an emotion even close to being right. She had, of course, been in life and death situations, but that was as a highly trained agent who had chosen to knowingly go into the field. Sara had been a girl not even old enough to drink who was forced to survive against overwhelming odds knowing that she would never be able to return to the life that she had once had.

When Ava didn't say anything Oliver looked over to Ray, silently telling him that it was his turn to talk. He may have made a lot of progress in the last ten years in terms of emotions but that there were certain things that he didn't want to say out loud.

Ray nodded in understanding and leaned forward by way of getting the Director's attention.

"Look, Ava, we get that you care about Sara, which is why the team asked Oliver to come here, but you need to understand that by reading her file you robbed her of the chance to open up when she felt ready," he said, before he hastily added, "which isn't your fault. But you must know that no matter how strong she seems, she still has PTSD." Ava wanted to say that there was no way that Captain Lance could possibly have PTSD. She was too brave and strong and incredible, but she closed her eyes in frustration when she realised that was exactly the problem. By believing that the captain was too fearless, she had allowed her doubts to take over without reassurance until they boiled over and everything that she said seemed inadequate. Of course, Sara could be brave and incredible and still have PTSD, who wouldn't after everything she had been through.

"I'm such an idiot," she muttered and ran her hand through her hair. She knew so many of her friends form her military days who lived with PTSD everyday and couldn't even see in her (maybe) girlfriend.

Suddenly, her brain was very aware of the 'I thought you gave nightmares not had them' comment that she had made before allowing the conversation to move onto her jealousy rather than to discussing the nightmare more. Even if Sara didn't want to talk about it, she should have made it clear that she was willing to listen.

By believing that the captain wasn't damaged, she prevented any real opportunity to make her believe that she could help put her back together. And on top of that, she allowed herself to be pushed away, there was a difference between giving her space and abandoning her during what was a cry for help disguised as a break-up.

Ava finally looked back up to the two men who seemed to have been waiting for her to process the information and she found that she couldn't say any actual words. She felt like she wanted to go and apologise to Sara for avoiding her, but at the same time, the thought terrified her. What if she said something wrong and made it worse?

Oliver allowed her a few more moments of freaking out before he said, "look, you don't need to be the one to 'fix' Sara but if you want to be with her then you need to be able to help her when she asks for help and be there for her when she doesn't want to talk. She'll eventually be comfortable enough to maybe talk about things in more detail, but for now you just need to make sure that she knows that you want to be there for her. I guarantee that right now she things that she did the right thing by breaking up with you and that you avoiding her is for the best, she did the same thing to me, just show her that you disagree and let her choose what she wants."

Ava bit the inside of her cheek and looked over to Ray almost as if she was asking for confirmation that she was actually taking advice from Oliver Queen. The Atom just smiled and nodded in reassurance and she blew out a breath, though she wasn't sure if it was relief or frustration but she guessed that she would figure that out after she knew how her conversation with Sara was going to go.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Sara was pissed.

She always prided herself on being fearless and yet she couldn't bring herself to go and talk to the woman who she knew would solve all of her problems.

Since she had broken up with Ava, everything and been just a little bit shit. There was no one to help her get back to sleep after a nightmare, and putting her own hand on her heart didn't have nearly the same effect, no matter how much she tried to imagine that it was the Director next to her.

When something really good or really bad happened on a mission, all she wanted to do was call Ava and talk about it, but she couldn't call her unless it was for something professional now. Whilst in the midst of trying to come up with a reason to call the Director a few days ago, a realisation had hit the captain which made her cry all over again.

she realised that Director Sharpe had been her friend as well as her girlfriend, which meant that she'd lost both in one fell swoop.

She loved both Oliver and Nyssa deeply but she didn't think that they ever had that kind of connection.

With Nyssa, she always felt like she needed to leave her to go back to the life she had been missing for six long years and with Oliver, there was always a part of her that still felt like she was betraying her sister. She knew that Laurel had come to terms with it an that their relationship was the strongest it had ever been just before she joined the Legends (and saw her for the last time). However, it just made it impossible to think that she could have ever made things work with the Arrow long-term.

When it came to Ava though, she never felt like she was doing anything wrong or that she didn't belong. Ava fit in perfectly with her crazy found family and if she allowed herself to imagine it, she could easily see the formerly uptight Agent Sharpe sat at their next Christmas party or whatever it would be called next year after they undoubtedly screwed something up.

Sara groaned and rolled on her side.

The blonde growled and threw another punch at the punching bag in front of her. Since the breakup, she'd discovered that it was better to spend her early mornings in the training room rather than even trying to go back to sleep. When she lay in bed, she allowed herself to think about getting back together with taller blonde and there were a few moments of weakness when she had nearly asked Gideon to call her over.

However, when she was in the training room, she instead forced herself to think about a scenario in which he had hurt Ava whilst in the possession of the Death Totem, or in which she had done something worse.

Ava might claim that she didn't care about the ex-assassin's past, but she was pretty sure that wouldn't be true while a possessed blonde drove a knife through her heart.

The captain let out a breath at the thought and brought her hand to her stomach, just imagining what she considered to be a very real possibility made her nauseous.

She swallowed hard and got back into an offensive stance so that she could continue her training, but the punch never hit as Gideon made an announcement:

"Captain Lance, you have a visitor from the Time Bureau in the Library."

Sara sighed at the way that her stomach twisted in anticipation. This had happened a couple times in the last few days and it was always Gary, which left her in disappointment. This time though, she wasn't expecting anything other than an agent to pass on the details of the mission the Bureau had decided to assign the Legends that day, it was just going to be something that they didn't want to deal with anyway.

"Thanks Gideon," she grumbled and grabbed a jacket to put on over her sports bra, she figured that Gary would just become a freaked out mess if he saw her 'indecent' and then they would get nowhere.

It only took a few moments to get from the gym to the Library, "what is it Gary?" she called, not even bothering to look at the other person as she walked in.

"I'm not sure if I'm insulted," someone replied jokingly, though there was a strong tinge of nerves to the words.

Sara's eyes shot up and she felt her breath being taken away slightly. Ava was sat on the couch as she had many times during their short relationship, but this time, she was wearing jeans and a hoodie with her hair draped over her shoulder. The captain had never thought that a pair of Converse could look so good on someone.

"Ava?" the blonde asked and swallowed hard at the same time, "I didn't think the director had time to brief us…"

Ava smiled sadly at the other woman and shifted in her seat. She had done everything that she could to prepare for this, but now it didn't feel like enough. She had spoken to the bureau's resident psychologist about PTSD, had Googled the shit out of it and read case studies, but everything depended on the person and what they went through. There was nothing about a 20-year-old girl who had been lost at sea, joined the League of Assassins, died and came back to life and then became the captain of a time ship only to be possessed by a demon. And to top it all off, she wasn't allowed to use said time ship to save the sister who she loved more than her own life. It was a lot and Ava didn't want to be the one to make her feel worse, but if Sara had said that she made her the happiest that she had ever been, then surely she wouldn't make her feel worse, right?

"This isn't about bureau business," Ava replied uncertainly, "I wanted to talk to you…"

Sara brought her bottom lip into her mouth. She could easily say no, say the team was about to go out on a mission and she really didn't have time, but this was what she had been wanting badly for the last week. Even with all of her doubts, just being in Director Sharpe's presence made her feel better so it couldn't hurt to just talk to her for a while, it wasn't like she was agreeing to get back to together, so what could be the harm?

The captain nodded slowly and then walked over to the couch opposite the other woman and tentatively took a seat.

"Okay…" she replied, "what do you want to talk about?"

Ava swallowed hard, a part of her didn't think she would even get this far.

"So…Oliver Queen visited my office a few days ago…"

"What?" Sara spat harshly.

The director flinched, she was definitely already messing this up.

"I spoke with Oliver about…you," Ava replied.

Sara's jaw clenched as many emotions ran through her. Anger, confusion, resentment. Oliver Queen was the only other person in the world who understood what she had been through and it felt like a huge invasion of privacy that Ava had spoken about her with him, almost like she had been robbed of the chance to eventually talk to Ava herself about everything…eventually, maybe.

"What…did he say to you?" she asked, trying and failing to keep her voice even.

Ava smiled sadly at her and replied, "he didn't tell me anything specific…he just pointed out something that I should have seen before…" The taller woman faltered again, she really didn't want to screw this up, it really felt like her only chance to try and make things right.

Sara nodded, she was already considering ways that she could escape this room. Maybe Gideon would call her for something? But that would mean ending a conversation with Ava and wasn't this exactly she had been wishing for since they broke up?

"He said…I should care about your past and he was right," Ava replied, "when I read your file, I invaded your privacy…after…everything you've been through, you never had anyone to talk to about everything and that's not fair. I assumed that I understood you because I read everything about you, but I didn't understand how the most most badass woman I have ever met could have actually been effected by all of that…trauma."

Sara was silent for a few moments. This was definitely not the conversation that she was expecting to have. At the most, she thought Ava would try and convince her again that she wasn't broken, but when everything she was saying was right, she couldn't find the words to tell her that she was wrong.

It was for this reason that she decided to go with anger instead of rationalism.

"Did you invite Oliver to your office?" Sara spat.

Ava stopped herself from blowing out a breath of frustration, based on her research, she shouldn't take the anger personally but it was hard not to when all she was doing was trying to help.

"Ray asked him to come and talk to me because I…went about things the wrong way," the director replied, "if you're not ready to be in a relationship, I shouldn't have made you feel badly about that. I was thinking…if you wanted…we could go back to being...friends and if you ever want someone to talk to outside of your team...you can come to me...if you want to, of course."

Ava let out a breath when she finished everything that she had planned to say. As far as she was aware, Sara had never formerly been diagnosed with PTSD, but it was now painfully obvious that she probably should have been. As much as she couldn't image the Black Canary ever agreeing to seek help after a formal diagnosis, she was sure that it would have helped her now that she seemed more willing to discuss her feelings, at least in comparison.

Sara blinked a couple of times as she tried to process this. She had literally just been thinking about how she missed having Ava as her friend and here was the woman not five minutes later extending an olive branch. She had never felt before that she had met someone who could anticipate her feelings and if the butterflies in her stomach were anything to go by, she definitely liked it. The thought of just being friends, however, made her throat constrict slightly. She suddenly felt bad for lashing out when Ava was only here to help her, she figured she could stand to be a bit more receptive to help.

"Friends sounds…nice," Sara sighed and allowed all of the tension in her muscles to fall away. She had been holding onto it for far too long now, so maybe it wasn't a bad idea to be Ava's friend when the woman made her feel so much better. If they weren't together then Ava wouldn't be in the same risk of getting hurt and she could still get to spend time with her.

Ava winced ever so slightly, that wasn't the answer she wanted but it was also more than she had expected.

"That's…great," she replied with a forced smile. She was now getting to the hardest part of what she had to say and she was genuinely afraid that the friend thing would be revoked, "after Oliver visited I actually spoke with the bureau's psychologist and she suggested that you could benefit from an appointment…"

The shorter woman frowned and tilted her head, definitely not a good sign.

"Like…therapy?" the captain asked.

Ava nodded slowly and clenched her fist, she couldn't help but feel like she was messing this up in a big way. When faced with Sara she felt like she had forgotten all of her research and she was only going to make her more closed off to the idea of help. She figured that even if the captain didn't want to get back together with her then she could at least try and help her to see that she deserved to be in a loving relationship in the future, even if it was with someone else.

"It can help to talk to a stranger sometimes," Ava replied, "and if you have the appointment at the bureau, you wouldn't need to lie about anything."

Sara was silent and her eyebrows were drawn together. Of course, her first instinct was to refuse, but she was trying to hold in the explosive response of anger that her brain wanted to have. Ava was only here to help her and she didn't want to push the woman away again.

Instead of yelling, though, she just let out a shaky breath and asked, "you spoke to a shrink about me?"

The director quickly shook her head and replied, "I never mentioned your name."

"Well there's not a lot of other people who went through the same things as me, Ava," Sara replied sharply.

The director looked down at her lap and tried not to sigh. How was it that she managed to cross so many lines when all she wanted to do was help?

She was about to reply, but she was cut off by a beeping at her writs and she saw an SOS message from Gary. The blonde rolled her eyes and stood up.

"I'm really sorry, I have to go Sara," she said.

The captain just nodded, she was still trying to figure out how she felt all about this.

The director was about to open a portal before she thought better of it and said, "I…made you an appointment for tomorrow at two, if you don't want it then you don't have to show up." She wanted to add that she was sorry for messing this up but she didn't think that it would be helpful so she just opened the portal as Sara remained silent.

s

Ava was sure that she had never felt this anxious before.

It was 1.56 pm and she was sat outside of the bureau's therapist's office. She was trying to decide if she was crossing a line by even being here, wasn't therapy supposed to be confidential? But that meant that she could never know if Sara showed up unless she was here and she knew that she if she tried to stay in her office she would get absolutely nothing done.

Plus, there was also the fact that she was now fairly certain that Sara was not going to show up. Maybe she had already screwed up the friend thing? She was beginning to wish that she had simply left it at that the day before, she could be spending time with Sara right now rather than hoping that she would show up to therapy that she honestly desperately needed.

She looked up to the clock and saw that it was 1.58 pm now and she noticed the receptionist give her another questioning look. She knew that if she wasn't the director, the woman would have probably told her that it was inappropriate to wait here unless you had an appointment, but as it was, the receptionist didn't seem to have the courage to say anything.

Ava bit the inside of her cheek and decided that she was an idiot for thinking that Sara Lance would ever show up to this, her reaction the day before didn't seem too promising. She blew out a breath and stood from the oddly comfortable couch. She could just go back to work and try and talk to Sara in a few days to see if the friends thing was still on.

However, just as she was about to go over and open the door to leave, it opened and her eyes widened at the sight that she had given up on seeing.

Sara's eyes own eyes widened at the sight of Director Sharpe and she stepped into the room and closed to door behind her, not so subtly blocking the taller woman from trying to leave.

"I went to your office to find you…" Sara said after a moment of silence.

Ava frowned, "you were looking for me?"

"I was..I thought about what you said yesterday…and you're right thatI should try and talk to someone at least once…I was looking for you because I was hoping that you would come to the appointment with me…" Sara replied, all the while looking at the floor.

"I…" the director trailed off. There was so many things that she wanted to say in that moment, she wanted to say how proud she was that Sara was even willing to come to the appointment, how she would be honoured to go into the appointment with her, most of all she wanted to ask why she would want her there. However, she reminded herself about all of her line crossing lately and she instead just nodded, "of course I will."

Sara looked up, already looking more vulnerable than Ava had seen her since they had broken up and a smile tugged at the corner of her lips, though she was mostly worried about how this session would go. She had known for a while that she needed help, but she figured that with all of her training, she should know how to just deal with things. It worked well in the league but when she was back in the world she had lived in before the Gambit, it no longer felt easy to just push things down. And now she had this woman who she knew she felt something significant for, but she was too afraid to be with her, so if she needed to talk to someone to be happy, then she didn't see why she couldn't just get over herself and do it.

"Sara Lance?" the receptionist called and the blonde looked over to her, "Dr. Cameron is ready for you."

The captain blew out a breath and then another, but her muscles didn't relax until she felt a hand placed on her shoulder and she sighed as she looked up at Ava's concerned eyes. She decided that she really had made the right decision when she decided that she could only do this if Ava was with her.

"Thanks," she mumbled to the receptionist as she made her way over to the door.

Ava followed her, she was sure that the receptionist was shooting her questioning looks as she was behind Sara, but once again she appeared to be too afraid to question the director. She obviously thought that the doctor would just ask her to leave.

Sara knocked the door and she heard a faint 'come in' before she pushed her way into the office, closely followed by her ex-girlfriend.

Dr. Cameron smiled at her warmly from her seat "hi Sara, I'm Doctor Clarke Cameron," she said, but she furrowed her brow when she saw that her newest patient was not alone.

"Director Sharpe?" the doctor asked.

The captain looked over to Ava, before she explained, "I was hoping that Ava could stay…"

Dr. Cameron quirked her eyebrow. The entire bureau was aware of the nature of their relation, or former relationship.

"Well…It's certainly unorthodox," the doctor frowned, "but these sessions are for you so whatever makes you more comfortable."

Sara blew out a breath of relief and walked over to the couch to sit down heavily. Ava walked over more slowly as she tried to figure out what the protocol was for sitting in on someone's therapy. Was she suppose to act like she wasn't even there or would that defy the point of her being there in the first place?

The doctor thankfully seemed to notice her worry and looked over to Sara, "where would you like Ava to sit, Sara?"

The captain looked over to the director and she allowed herself to smile at how adorable the woman as when she was unsure and she just gestured to the seat next to her.

The taller woman let out a sigh of relief and walked over to take her seat and she placed her hands in her lap.

Dr. Cameron inspected her for a moment before she turned her attention fully to her patient, "okay so, Sara, have you ever seen a therapist before?"

The blonde hesitated for a moment, the doctor was nice but it was hard to get passed the idea that she would be bearing her soul to her. The woman had started with a simple question though she there was no need to allow herself to freak out yet.

She nodded and replied, "I had a psych evaluation when I came back to Starling…"

"And what did they say?"

"That I should go to regular therapy sessions," Sara sighed and looked down at her lap.

"And how many have you been to since then?" the doctor asked as she wrote on her notepad.

"Does this one count?"

The doctor quirked an eyebrow and the captain just sighed and said, "I've been a little busy."

"Okay," Doctor Cameron said and Sara frowned when she didn't pick up on any judgement in the doctor's voice, "so we need to go from the start then," she smiled, "so we'll spend a few sessions discussing you so that I can get an idea of you and what you've been through and then you'll be able to decide how you would like to spend any sessions we have after that, does that sound okay?"

Sara shrugged and looked over to Ava, the woman was clearly not very comfortable but also trying not to say anything. The captain smiled a little at her, she wasn't used to having people who would put themselves in uncomfortable situations for her, but she could also imagine that any of her team would do the same if she asked them to.

"I guess it sounds okay," she replied, deciding that she needed to be co-operative here, even if a part of her thought that she could just go to one session so that she and Ava could rebuild their friendship which would eventually turn into something else. The worst that would happen if she co-operated was that she would become a better person, maybe even one who deserved to be loved?

"Great," the doctor smiled, "if you change your mind at any point or feel like we could do something a little different just let me know, okay?"

The blonde nodded and then fell into silence. This was going way better than she ever thought it could, she always saw therapy as this big scary thing but it actually felt surprisingly nice, even if she was still nervous.

The doctor waited a few moments before it occurred to her that Sara probably needed some prompts and she asked, "so would you mind telling me a bit about yourself?"

Sara swallowed hard and said, "I…I..err.." she let out a frustrated breath and ran a hand across her.

"Just take your time, get comfortable, this can take as long as you want it to," Dr. Cameron said calmly.

The captain took in a breath and looked over to Ava again, she remembered how quickly she relaxed when the woman placed her hand on her shoulder and a thought occurred to her.

"Get comfortable?" she asked.

The doctor nodded and said, "whatever makes you feel comfortable."

Without much warning, the captain reached down to pull off her shoes and before either the director or doctor could question it, she lay down and placed her head onto Ava's lap. She then lightly grabbed her ex-girlfriend's hand and placed it over her heart as she took a few more breaths. Just like when she had the nightmare, all of the tension left her body and she opened her eyes to look up at Ava.

The director looked a little shocked, but she made no attempt to make the captain move.

"Is this okay?" Sara asked, though she wasn't quite sure which woman she was asking.

Ava nodded and the captain looked over to the doctor who just smiled, she was really starting to see why Gary mentioned how hard he 'shipped' them during one of his sessions, they really were adorable.

"If it's okay with Director Sharpe, then it it's fine with me."

Sara smiled took yet more deep breaths before she went back to the original question and she tried to figure out what she wanted to say.

Finally, she opened her mouth, "I guess everything started when I met Oliver Queen…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there will be another epilogue-like chapter, it didn't feel right to have Avalance to get back together in this chapter so it will happen in the next chapter XD  
> Reviews would be appreciated, would love to know what you think :)


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as promised here's the Avalance ending XD  
> I hope you all enjoyed this fic and thank you for the comments and Kudos :)

Sara stared at the anachronism map and bit the inside of her cheek as she looked for something that she could reasonably have called Director Sharpe for.

It had been two months since her first therapy session and she’d reliably went to two a week since.

Ava was always with her with her and silently comforted her as she spoke to Doctor Cameron.

Now Ava knew more about her than anyone else so they were closer than ever. The director came to the Legend’s movie nights, occasionally had dinner with the team and they video chatted at least once every couple days.

On Star Wars night, Ava had been exhausted and fallen asleep on the captain’s shoulder.

Zari watched the pair and asked Sara why they weren’t together. The captain couldn’t answer.

It was for this reason that she was anxiously waiting in the Library, so she could discuss this with the woman who had slept on her the night before.

The familiar buzzing sound interrupted Sara’s attempt to look for a director-worthy mission and she turned to look at her friend.

“Is everything okay, Sara?” The woman asked as she tried to ascertain what the captain’s expression meant.

Sara allowed herself a moment to take in the concern on Ava’s face. She was sure that she would never get used to how much she cared about her.

“Fuck it,” she muttered and walked over to the taller woman and without hesitation, she placed her hands around Ava’s neck and pulled herself up to allow their lips to meet.

When she pulled herself away, she saw the director’s eyes were closed, either out of shock or bliss and Sara smiled as she placed her hand on her cheek.

Ava opened her eyes and let out a breath, “what are you doing?” She asked.

“Zari pointed out to me that we’re basically a couple so I figured that I didn’t need to miss kissing you anymore,” Sara replied.

The confusion on Ava’s face turned to a smile and she leaned down to steal another, chaste kiss, moving he hands to her waist.

“Do you want to for coffee before your session?”

Sara nodded and pulled the director closer to enjoy the embrace she had been missing.

S

-Five months later-

“It’s weird,” Sara shrugged.

Dr. Cameron quirked an eyebrow at the ex-assassin, “it’s weird that you’re happy?”

“Well, I guess I was happy with Nyssa, but not in the same way, you know?” Sara replied and the doctor nodded for her to continue, “like when I was with the League i was constantly thinking about how I could go back to my family but the I couldn’t have Nyssa, but my parent’s love Ava.”

The doctor smiled when the blonde looked over to the empty seat next to her. Cameron had been surprised when Sara had arrived alone but she explained that Ava an important meeting that she couldn’t change. She offered to reschedule but Sara insisted that she would be dine and she really was. In seven months she’d come a long way, she was more comfortable discussing her past even if she still wasn’t great with articulating her emotions she was still unrecognisable compared to the woman she would break up with someone out of fear.

“Have you told Ava how happy she makes you?”

“Well...I told her that I love her yesterday,” the captain shrugged again though a smile was tugging at the corner of her lips. It had been unintentional, Ava had just helped her knock out some ninjas during a mission and ‘god I love you’ slipped out.

“And did she say it back?”

“Yeah, straight away,” Sara smiled and the doctor returned it to the blonde, the progress really was amazing.

“That’s great,” she replied before a little ding sounded from her computer to tell them that the session was over.

Sara let out a breath and stood from the couch, she was really starting to find that seeing Doctor Cameron was the most relaxing thing ever,

She had someone who she could dump everything on without hurting them and the fact that Ava was the reason she was here made her love her that much more.

“I’ll see you Thursday,” Sara said and began walking towards the door.

She made quick work of making her way through the now familiar hallways towards the director’s office.

The plan was to wait for her girlfriend so that they could go to dinner but when she pushed the door open she found the woman already sat behind her desk.

Ava’s eyes shot up to the former assassin and she looked at her with anxiety in her expression.

“Sara,” she breathed, “they left ten minutes ago and I wasn’t sure if there was a point in joining you...”

The captain made her way over to the desk as the woman spoke and leaned over to interrupt her rambling with a kiss.

“Relax, it was all good,” Sara said and took the opportunity of Ava pushing her chair out slightly to fall into her lap. She knew the secretary would stop anyone coming in when she saw her go in.

Ava circled the captain’s waist with her arms and pulled her closer, “really?” She asked.

“Apparently I’ve reached new levels of emotional maturity,” Sara chuckled.

The director laughed, “do you want me to stop trying to block out the time for your sessions?”

The captain frowned and considered this, ultimately she shook her head, “I want you there, I just don’t need you to be there if that’s okay?”

“Of course that’s okay,” Ava replied without any hesitation.

Sara sighed in contentment as she leaned her head against her girlfriend’s chest, “I love you so much,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” Ava replied and dropped a kiss to her head.

**Author's Note:**

> I have another chapter planned that would be more Sara-centric and then there would be an Avalance reunion so please let me know if you would be interested :)


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